The Secret of Emotional Strength

SOME PEOPLE are emotionally stronger than others. They can take a lot of stress and strain without falling apart, while others collapse into a whimpering heap at the smallest things.

The core difference between an emotionally weak person and an emotionally strong person is what they think when things go wrong. When they encounter problems, the weak one is in the habit of thinking: “This is more than I can stand.” A tough one thinks: “I can handle this.”

It doesn’t matter what specific words a person puts to the two different kinds of thinking. But the thoughts that make people weak are feeble and impotent: “I can’t take it, it’s too overwhelming, it’s too much to bear, I can’t stand it, I’m not up to this, I’m not emotionally ready for this,” etc.

The thoughts that make you strong are capable and resolute: “I can take it, everything is going to work out, I’ll get through it, maybe there’s a lesson in it for me, adversity builds character, I’m tough, people have been through worse, if I try I can find an advantage in all this, when this is over I’ll be wiser,” etc.

To become stronger, change your thoughts. Emotional strength is as simple and uncomplicated as that. Start saying something different to yourself during emotionally difficult times. When you feel stress, coach yourself, “Come on, [your name here], you can handle this. When this is over, you might even be a stronger person because of it.” Think strong thoughts and you will be tougher, braver, and more resilient. Just like that.

The stronger thoughts are truer than the weak thoughts. You can take it. Human beings, including you, can withstand a tremendous amount of strain without cracking, as even the briefest reading of true survival accounts, war stories, and reports of disasters demonstrate.

Strong thoughts won’t be habitual at first, of course. The way you think is as much a habit as the way you tie your shoes. But keep deliberately thinking stronger, and after awhile it will become habitual. Eventually, you’ll wonder how you ever thought differently.

Would you like to be stronger? Would you like to have more emotional calm during normally upsetting situations? Would you like to stand as a pillar of strength when those about you are crumbling? Sure you would. This is the way. Change your thoughts. Make them stronger. Don’t think you can do it? That’s the first thought to change.

This is an excerpt from the book, Principles For Personal Growth.

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Feel Better When You're Productive

HOW MANY TIMES have you stayed busy all day, but when it was over you felt like you didn't get much done? It feels like your actions are futile. All that work, all day long, and it feels like you did nothing worthwhile.

How can this even be possible? A hunter-gatherer wouldn't feel that way. At the end of the day, she or he has a pile of nuts or a dead deer to show for it. A bricklayer would probably never feel her actions are futile. When she started the day, the wall was only two feet high. Now it is eight feet high.

So why do you have that futile feeling? Because the modern world is full of invisible, hard-to-remember activities. Banking online, for example. And these activities are not in any way futile or unimportant. They can be very important. But they aren't visible. Once you finish your banking task, you close your computer and your desk looks exactly as it did before you started as if nothing has happened.

One possible way to improve your mood when you're productive is to make a list of what you do as soon as you finish it. It's like making a to-do list backwards.

So as soon as you finish your banking, write on a piece of paper, "did the banking." Maybe even put a checkmark next to it. Do the dishes, then write it down and checkmark it. Do that throughout the day, and then — and this is the most important part — before you go to bed, read over your list. If you do this, three things will happen:

1. You will no longer feel your actions are futile. You won't be demoralized by the feeling that you're spinning your wheels and getting nowhere.

2. You will feel more motivated. When you see that you are in fact getting things done, and that many of those things are important to you and move you toward your goals in life, you are motivated to do even more.

3. You will discover how you spend your time. This will lead to an improvement in the use of your time without even really trying. At the end of the day you'll look at your list. Sometimes you'll see that many of the things you've done were not very important. You haven't really noticed that before because those activities have also been invisible.

Make a "done list" every day, adding to it every time you complete even the smallest task, and at the end of the day, look it over. This will go a long way toward counteracting the futility-inducing demoralization of modern life.

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