Poor Listening Has Real Consequences

BRANT BURLESON, a researcher at Purdue University, says the scientific evidence is strong that if your mate is upset, and you are listening to her or him ineptly:

1. it can make your mate feel worse

2. it can make your mate more upset

3. it can inhibit your mate's ability to effectively solve her or his problem

4. it can encourage an unhealthy dependence on you as a listener

5. it can raise her or his level of stress

6. it can make your relationship less stable

7. it can make her or him less satisfied with your relationship

8. and it might even be bad for your mate's health

Whether or not you are a competent listener has real consequences. Being able to listen well when your mate is having troubles may be the most helpful thing you can learn to do for her or him. It helps your mate become calmer and happier and helps her or him handle problems better. This is very good for your mood.

Research shows most people who try to listen fail to do it well. People with good intentions, people who want to help their friends and mates don't know how to do it, and their friends and mates are not helped and can actually be harmed by their incompetence. Good intentions are not enough. A person having troubles and talking to the average listener won't walk away better off and that's a shame. A good opportunity has been missed because of a lack of know-how. An opportunity to make the world a better place and truly help someone in need has been missed by ineptitude.

Lucky for your mate, the knowledge you are about to discover (when you read this article) will allow you to seize those opportunities. You will be able to translate your desire to help into effective listening that produces real benefits for your mate and friends. And for that, I salute you!

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Improve Your Mood By Making More Money

WHETHER YOU OWN YOUR OWN company or work for someone else, you can earn more than you now earn. The first question to ask yourself is “Am I providing a product or service that is both wanted and needed?” When the answer is yes, you can earn more money by increasing either the quality or the quantity of your service.

The hardest part of increasing your service is thinking up ways to do it. Sure, if you work faster and put in more hours, you will increase your service. And if you take more care and pay more attention to your work, you will certainly increase the quality. Those are obvious. But there will come a time when these things cannot be increased any more: There are only twenty-four hours in a day, there are physical limits to how fast you can move, and you can give no more attention to your work once you are giving it all your attention.

But it is possible to think of other ways to increase your service. It will only take some thinking. Sit down ten different times in the next month and each time think up three different ways you could increase your service. Allow your imagination to go wild. At the end of the month, pick the best one and do it.

Another thing you can do to increase your earnings is to read books and listen to audio programs related to your line of work, your health, or your ability to deal with people. Learn more about these three topics and it will help you earn more.

The first subject to study is the specific area or industry you work in. Every field has a history. How did it start? Who were the principle originators? And that’s just the beginning. The libraries and bookstores are full of books and audio programs and DVDs on every conceivable subject. Study not only background, but also information that will make you better at your job. Take night classes. Listen to audio programs in your car. Educate yourself. As you learn, you become more of an expert. Generally speaking, the more of an expert you are in your field, the more useful you are. And the more useful you are, the more money you can make.

Learning ways to increase your level of health will help you in two ways: First, your level of energy is closely tied to your level of health, and you can do more work with a high energy level. Second, when you have better health, you tend to have better relationships with people. Have you ever noticed how difficult it is to be nice to people when you feel like hell? Our health affects our moods, and our moods affect our relationships with others. And people who get along well with others, according to the research, make more money than those who don’t. Their relationships are better with their bosses and with their assistants. They get more cooperation and consideration. In the long run, this adds up to more money.

Which brings us to the third area to study: people. As far as I can tell, there is no final attainment in this area. I’ve been actively improving my ability to deal with people for about thirty-two years now (and I was pretty good when I started), and I’m nowhere near as good as I could be. In other words, I can profitably continue to improve my ability to deal with people for the rest of my life, and I’ll bet the same is true for you.

Learn about your line of work, read up on how to maintain good health, and constantly practice the fine art of dealing with people. These are lifetime studies. And do the hard work of thinking up ways to increase the quantity and quality of the service you provide. Do these things and you will earn more money.

This is a chapter from the book, Self-Help Stuff That Works.

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Chale Chalo

ONE WAY to improve your mood is to watch an uplifting movie. The video below is from an Indian movie about a remote village during the time of the British occupation. Each village was required to give a portion of their crops to the local raja. The portion was called the "lagaan."

A man from one of the local villages grew angry at the unfair practice of the raja of taking their crops during a drought and making them starve, but in his rashness, he wagered with the raja — the rash guy's village would play cricket against the British team. If the villagers won, they would not have to pay the lagaan. But if they lost, they had to pay double, which would mean famine. People would die.

The whole village turned against the rash guy. What had he done? He had seriously endangered them all.

And yet, if they had to pay even this year's lagaan, they would suffer and starve anyway. One by one the villagers joined the rash one in his quest to learn to play cricket so they could win their freedom from the lagaan. Eventually a team was formed, and they began physical conditioning to prepare themselves for the game.

The scene below takes place soon after the village has gotten behind Mr. Rash and preparation has begun in earnest. They sing a song in the clip and I think it's inspiring. The movie was inspiring too. It's called Lagaan - Once Upon a Time in India. I don't usually like watching movies with subtitles, but I loved this one. "Chale chalo" means "come on, let's go, get a move on."



Here are the lyrics to the song, translated into English:

Say it again and again, speak, friend, yes!
May victory be ours, may defeat be theirs, yes!

Chorus:

May no one triumph over us!
Come, let's go, get a move on!
May those who oppose us be obliterated! Come on, let's go!

No matter whether darkness spreads over us;
let's go, get a move on!
Let no one stop along the road; come on, let's go!
The pointing finger of accusation broke and shattered
when our five fingers came together and made a fist!

May our unity only strengthen!
Come, let's go, get a move on!
No matter how much someone might distract you, come on, let's go!

Chorus:

No one will stop you now, no one will get in your way!
Break all the bonds that hold you back!
What have you gained by being weak? You tell me!
We'll never endure misfortune; we'll play
in such a way that the enemy will be defeated!

Take the road of courage, now!
We'll shake this earth, we'll show everyone
the difference between a king and a slave.
We'll overwhelm the earth; we'll tell you right now
what kind of people we are!

Say it again and again, speak, friend, yes!
May victory be ours, may defeat be theirs, yes!
May no fear enter our hearts now!
Come, let's go, get a move on!

May every fetter snap apart now; come on, let's go!
Just keep marching, no panting, no shuddering;
you're on the path now, voyager!
Don't let the snake of exhaustion sink its fangs into you now!

He who is your ruler is a tyrant!
He has wrought destruction!
His home is in the west; he shall not settle here!
We'll shake this earth; we'll show everyone
the difference between a king and a slave
We'll overcome this earth; we'll tell you right now
what kind of people we are!

What must be, let it be, no matter! Come on, let's go!
May you never bow your head again! Come on, let's go!

Chorus:

Again and again, yes!
Say it, friend, yes!
May victory be ours,
may defeat be theirs, yes!
It broke and shattered,
the pointing finger of accusation!
When our five fingers came together,
they made a fist!

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