WHAT CAN YOU DO when you're arguing with your mate and you reach a stalemate? What can you do when you are so mad at each other that you can't think straight, and everything you say gets twisted around and your mate is no longer listening to anything you say and you are too mad to listen? What can you do? Go into the other room and fume? Keep fighting, getting louder and louder? Force yourself to apologize through gritted teeth?
You're bound to reach an impasse in an argument once in awhile. When you do, stop talking. Your chances of working anything out when you are both upset is very close to zero. Don't waste your time. Don't risk saying or doing anything more you'll regret. Go off by yourself and do the following:
1. Do something that will calm you down physically and get your mind off the situation. Watch a movie, read an engaging book, surf the internet, play a game. Once you've gotten yourself distanced from the argument enough to think straight, relax your body somehow. Meditate. Soak in a hot tub. Take a hot shower. Listen to relaxing music. Get as deeply relaxed as you can.
2. Do not decide anything. Draw no conclusions. The more upset you are, the more distorted your point of view will be. So any decisions you make are more likely to be bad ones than good ones. People just aren't as rational and don't think as clearly when they are upset. It's not just you, it's all of us. So don't make any decisions or come to any conclusions when you are mad.
THEN think. After you've calmed down and gotten your mind off it for awhile, think about what you were arguing about. If you get upset again, calm down again before you try to think. Go for a walk or go for a drive and give yourself some time to think.
If this seems like a lot of time to spend, maybe your arguments are not that bad. But if your arguments get out of control and sometimes last for hours, and during that time you hurt each other and say things you regret, than the time you spend to do what I'm suggesting will be well worth it. It will save you time. And pain.
When you're done thinking, consider talking to your mate about it. Sometimes there will be nothing to talk about because you'll realize the fight was really about nothing important, now that you've calmed down and thought about it. You just took something wrong (or your mate did) and it created a kind of reverberating feedback loop that escalated into an impasse.
When a microphone gets too close to its speaker, it creates a feedback signal that gets louder and louder. All you have to do is move the microphone away from the speaker. You don't need to fix anything. Nothing is wrong. All that happened was a feedback loop got started and you have to separate the two.
Sometimes that is true of you and your mate. You'll figure that out once you can calm down and think about it.
But if there is something you two need to talk about, think about how you will approach the subject. When you've got it worked out, then go find your mate and talk about it. This is the sanest way to bypass an impasse.